Secretes
by jenn112
Summary: Edward has confined himself to the dark corners of his room. Finaly pushed out into the world by his family he finds her again, but there is something different about Bella now. She has a hidden life and one two many secretes that she has kept from him.
1. Chapter 1

EPOV

It's been over two years since I left my love in the woods. My words torment me over and over again, how could she ever believe that I didn't want her. It was the worst act I have ever committed. Out of all the horrible crimes that I have committed, telling my Bella that I did not love her was the worse and it was unbearable to live with. My life without her has no purpose; I am miserable in myself loathing. I deserve the pain that I feel and disserve much worse. I would spend eternity in the dark corners of my room; feeling the relentless burn in my throat from the weeks that I allow go by without hunting. I am only thrusted out of my room by my loving family, which I do not deserve. I want so desperately to go find her and express my love for her and have her back in my arms. She probably doesn't even want me back. Even her presence could bring me out of this hell that I have created. I can't, I won't. She deserves better and I won't let me selfishness ruin her so deserved opportunities of life. She deserves so much better; husband, children, and life. I ach at the thought of it; knowing that I could never give her those things. What have I done? My sister Alice has pushed me, relentlessly, to get me out of my room and join the world like the rest of them. We moved to a little town outside of Seattle. And I gave in and applied for a Dr.'s position at the hospital. I had no desire to do it but if it makes my family happy then I would, for the time being. My family worried so much about me and I hated causing them so much pain. Their constant silent worrying, from within their minds, was the motive to get me up. I hated to cause them pain. My mother, Esme was concerned for me and I figured I would give it a shot.

"_Come on come on, you don't want to be late for your first day_?" Alice asked sheepishly, trying to guard her thoughts from me.

"_Yeah, yeah I am almost ready_." I slowly got ready. As I was finishing buttoning up my shirt I headed down stairs to be greeted by my entire family. Their eyes were matched to a mother's who were sending their child off to kinder garden; anticipation, worry, relief and excitement.

"_You ready son_?" Carlisle asked as he was opening the front door.

I acknowledged that I was and we headed off to the hospital.

The hospital was like any other hospital. I quickly learned the routine in a matter of minutes and was off to work. Patient after patient I dragged myself by the monotonous minds of the staff and the patients. These are the days that I would trade my curse of being able to hear the thoughts of others for anything in the world.

I had almost finished my day when I was called to a room that was on the third floor.

"_Dr. Cullen, you are needed in Mr. Wises room in 315. His wife would like to consult with you before they are discharged, I would be happy to assist you to the room_." the over enthusiastic nurse gestured. While her words were polite her thoughts were racing with imageries that I am sure her husband, by the sights of her wedding band, would not approve of.

"_Yes, that will be fine_." I only allowed her to join me because I was afraid of the thought of getting trapped over the monotonous routine of explaining the protocol for discharging a patient.

We arrived at the room a few moments later. Mrs. Wise rushed up to me with a genuine concern for her husband. I was pleased to see her devotion and love that she had towards him and for a quick moment I wished that my Bella shared those same feelings. No I won't think that. It was too much to even think that. How could she? Stop! Stop!

Mrs. Wise asked for a couple more supplies of gauze and topical cream for her husband's wounds. I gave a quick glance towards that nurse who quickly understood and went to the nurses' station to retrieve the items. She returned emptied handed but had a couple other nurse by her side. I was confused for a brief moment by her actions, but as soon as I heard their thoughts I decided I would retrieve the items myself.

I was headed into the supply room. When I was only a few steps away I felt a surge of electricity hit my body. I had an overwhelming feeling, a feeling that I have once felt. No, it can't be. I ignored the feeling and entered the room. My walk came to a complete stop as I saw her. She seemed so real, I have imagined her so many times. Us encountering each other, seeing her, feeling her, kissing her……no it can't be real. Why is my mind doing this to me? Suddenly as she saw me her face froze and our eyes met. I was so engulfed by her glare. She seemed almost frightened, why, why is she scared of me. Oh no what have I done, I do not want her to think that way of me. Not that she thinks at me at all. God knows I do.

"_Hello Bella._" I said trying to control my enthusiasm.

"_Hi_" She looked away and found quickly what she had been looking for. Her heartbeat accelerated but I tried not to think it was because of her happiness of seeing me.

"_I didn't kn_….." I tried to tell her that I didn't know she worked here, anything to stay in her presence, but we were so rudely interrupted by someone in the hall. I hated that person, I would have killed that person right there but only feared it would cause fear in her. She looked away from me and bolted out the door barely missing my arm as she passed by. I stood there for what had seemed like forever wishing she was still there. I felt the pain crawl back over me. The pain was agonizing and it took all that I had to control myself to walk out and retrieve my belongings that sent me there in the first place. After leaving the patience's room I quickly headed towards Carlisle office to tell him about Bella.

"_Dad, I saw her…..I saw Bella!"_ I was almost panting as if I needed the breath to speak. I was completely unraveling as I told him my encounter with her.

"_Well son, I think you need to keep your distance for right now, you have no idea what her thoughts are and you don't want to make any sudden approaches that will alarm her_." Carlisle knew that I wanted to run to her and throw myself at her regardless of the prospectors and confess my love to her and plead for her forgiveness. I don't care what fool I made myself to be, as long as I had my Bella back.

I left his office looking for her hoping that I would see her. I searched, even though I said I would not but I couldn't help it. I left the hospital without seeing her again. It was torture, I saw her but I wanted more. I wanted to see her again. Another night I spent in my room, dark, a lone, thinking of her. But, instead of thinking of our past I was reliving our brief moment encounter today. I got up tired of dwelling the thoughts of seeing her and decided to go and find her. Then I sat back down, what if she does not want to see me and anyhow I have no idea where she lives. I rose up and down for about an hour contemplating what I should do. What I wanted to do and what I should do…..for her. While deciding I heard a knock on my door.

"_Give her time, for some reason I can't really see what's going on with her_." My spunky sister said. She is so sweet; she always brings a smile to my face. She hated to see me like this. She always kept an eye on Bella for me when we were together but after I left her she started to have a hard time seeing what was laid before her. Alice was gifted at seeing the future, her gift to the family. I shrugged it off, only able to think about seeing her again.

"_I_ _know, but I can't get her off my mind. I didn't know she worked there. Why didn't you see that_?"

"I don't know, I felt something but I didn't know what it was and I still don't?" Alice replied trying to comfort me.

She left a few moments later, and I decided that I would try and find her. She had to live near but I had no idea where. I hadn't even picked up the smallest scent of her since we have been here for the past few weeks.

I left the house and I headed back to the hospital, thinking that it would be the best place to start. I picked up a smallest faint scent of her off towards the east and headed that way. The scent took me on a wild goose chase. I was going in circles and getting madder and madder by the second. Was I really that bad at tracking? I finally came to where her scent ended, but it was nowhere as if she vanished in mid air. What was going on? Why can't I find her?


	2. Chapter 2

BPOV

I froze, I was unable to move. My mind was going a hundred miles a minute and my heart was not too far off behind it. Is he really here? Why is he here? I've got to leave. I can't be around him. No, I don't want to leave. What I want is to run into his arms and have him hold me again, the way he used to. But he made it clear to me that he would never feel that way again. His words still rip at my battered wounds that are only kept at bay to survive. Only an image of him starts to burn the tyrant wounds in my body that ach for him. Why did he do this to me? He stood there, almost like he was taken back or excited. Of course he is not excited to see me he was probably disturbed at the sight of me, trying to find a way out of there that was not too plainly clear of his feelings of me. Life was gracious to me and luckily somebody needed me, that was my ticket and I took it and ran. I was scared when I left the hospital; scared that he would discover me so I made extra precautions when I left and did a tedious job in covering my tracks. For over the past couple of years I have had to find new ways to live that were forced upon me. I did not mind my life but it reminded me of him every day and I was not going to allow him to make it worse for me. I will have to leave because I can't chance it, being so close to him. I will miss a couple days at work and will leave when I have a new job in another city. This is going to be difficult.

EPOV

She did not show up for work the next day or the next. I found out that she had called out and would not be returning for about a week. _She couldn't be doing this because of me? Could she?_ Alice still saw nothing. Her blinded visions were really starting to bother me. I tried relentlessly night after night trying to find her. Her scent was deceiving as it led me to places and then it would disappear. _What is going on?_

BPOV

I was stuck; I did not know what to do. What I wanted and what was reality were two different things. I found another position in a hospital that was about fifty miles away, but it was not available for another few weeks. I decided that I would do my best to stay away from him. About a week later, I slowly walked in the hospital and I was immediately on guard for his sudden appearance. Why does he torture me like this. Move on Bella, if not for you then for……..

"_Bella, hi I saw you were away for a few days I hope everything was ok._" His soft velvet voice chimed so smoothly and it took every fiber in me to remain coherent. And why was he interested in my affairs? He was not concerned the day he left me alone and left me in the woods.

"_I'm good,"_ I tried to move past him but he kept blocking my way. What was his point; to toy with me? Was he enjoying my pain?

"_You're not scheduled to work for another half hour I was wondering if you would want to sit and talk." _He asked so calmly, why would he want to talk to me? He must pity me; he could not possibly share the same feelings that I have towards him. It has been over two years, moments compared to an eternity a vampire has to endure. But those two years are compared to centuries to me.

EPOV

I made it a point to talk to her. I would not let her leave without speaking to me. If only I could keep her forever, to hear her soft angelic voice for eternity. I saw her enter the main door of the hospital, this was my chance I would not let it past me. I had to find out what was going on with her, why could I not find her. I couldn't bluntly ask her that would scare her tremendously.

When I spoke to her she replied _"I'm good". _What does that mean? She said it so coldly and her voice sent chills down my body. I couldn't let that stop me I had to continue. I was scared out of my mind by her cold remark but I pressed on and asked her if she would like to sit and talk. That's ok; old friends catching up? I knew it was more, I wanted more and I was scared she had moved on.

"_I'm sorry Edward; I have a lot of catching up to do."_ She said as she tried to walk past me for the second time. No I was not going to let her win this easily. But her lips forming my name gave me the excitement and desire to follow her.

"_Well, I can walk with you."_ I said keeping up with her human pace.

"_No" _

"_Bella, aren't we adults. Can't we have a normal conversation, don't be silly." _I was hoping that I didn't seem too nonchalant, but she was starting to make me mad, which I had no right to be. She turned to look at me, her eyes met mine and were so cold and she spoke so bitterly.

"_Silly?.......I am being silly? I speak when I want to speak. I decide what I want, I will do and not do what I want and you will not come here in MY place of work and demand that I speak to you." _ She hates me. I can't blame her for it, for how I ended our relationship. She kept walking and I froze by her words, I was completely unable to walk for a few moments.

For the next few days I tried to talk to her, but she just walked by as if I was not even standing there. Those were the worst. I had at least wanted to hear something from her, some emotions even if its anger. She did nothing, said nothing, and it was obvious that she no longer shared those feelings for me that she once did. But that's what I wanted, right, ; for her to move on and have her life? I tried so hard to be in her presence but she made it very clear that she did not want me around. I even kept up trying to find where she lived but it was a dead in search every night. Her place of residency that she had on files at the hospital was a made up address, I know because I checked, I feel like I am stalking Bella all over again.

BPOV

He is relentless! Have I not made it clear to him that I do not want to talk to him? What would he want to talk to me that bad about? He probably feels bad for me………._Poor little Bella, stuck stocking the nurses supplies while I am a doctor. Poor thing she is stuck seeing me every day and after how I dumped her she probably isn't over me……._Yeah, I am sure that's what he thinks. But I won't let him have the satisfaction.

"_Bella? Bella….hey are you ok"_ Oh no Carlisle is speaking to me. I probably looked like a baboon standing here staring at nothing. I have got to quit daydreaming of Edward.

"_Oh, hey sorry I was uh………….. never mind," _I have seen him many times here at the hospital. We made a few acknowledgements by smiling or nodding but this was the first time I have spoken to him.

" _It is so good to see you. How have you been?" _Does he really mean that? I am sure his whole family had a good laugh at my expense when he left me. Poor little human girl.

"_Good, everything is great. How's the family?"_

"_We are good, Esme and Alice are coming up today to visits. They were hoping that you would not mind spending a few minutes to say hey? If that's ok, I understand if you have a lot to do." _Oh no, what am I going to say? I have no reason to be angry at them. It would be so nice to see Alice again she was how ever a good friend. And Esme, she was always so sweet and loving.

"_Yes, that would be fine. It would be good to see them. What time are they planning on arriving?"_

"_Actually in about an hour. Just come up to my office around then, if you would like I could grab you some lunch?"_

"_Oh don't worry about lunch, but I will be there."_

When he left I got back to work. I was trying hard to concentrate on my work but it was difficult. I kept looking at the clock. Ok 45 min left. Please, please, please don't let him be there. I cannot handle being that close to him. As much as I love him I have this undeniable rage towards him for what he did and I don't want his family to witness that. 25 mins left. I just have about two more weeks left in this hospital and then it will be done. No more hiding around corners and dodging him in the hallways. Piece of cake?! 5 mins left. Ok I need to start getting a move on.

I was just about to turn the corner into his office when I stopped to listen to the voices. One, two, three……ok good I just hear three voices.

"_Bella, oh it is so good to see you. Oh I have missed you so much." _I was a little taken back by Esme's words and especially when she ran up and hugged me.

"_Yes, I have missed you too and Alice it's good.."_ Before I could finish Alice ran up to me and hugged me. This is weird, but it felt so nice to be around them again. Like family…….no no no I will not think that.

"_Oh Bella, I am so happy to see you I have missed you so much!" _

"_Bella, Bella tell me everything. What have you been up to for the last few years?" _

"_Same old same old. Nothing too exciting."_

"_Does your father live up here with you? Did you move up here for college or just move away al.."_

"_That's enough Alice, you don't want to make Bella feel like she is under an interrogation do you?" _Thank goodness for Carlisle. I really did not want to come up with excuses.

"_I just wanted to move, you know how that goes. I like to jump from one place to another. Get bored pretty quickly. I am actually leaving in a couple of weeks."_

"_Why, why are you moving? No you can't move ; I won't see you again." _ Alice seemed genuinely concerned about not seeing me. Wow, uh ok.

"_Well, like I said I like to move around, already set in stone."_

"_Well you have to come over to the house one day before you leave. Please, please, please. Do it for me." _ Oh no what am I going to say. I cannot come over. But I really want to.

"_Yes, please Bella. Carlisle and I would love for you to come over to our house. I promise it won't be any trouble and I am sure the family would love to see you before you leave."_

"_Oh it will be fine, please do us the honor of enjoying your company for a little while before you leave. We will probably never have another chance of seeing you." _Esme almost pleaded.

How can I say no to her, she is so sweet and loving. I am almost certain that she has a gift of persuasion.

"_Ok, just let me know when and also where you live and I will be there."_

"_How about tomorrow and Alice will meet you at the hospital and you can follow her out to the house?"_

"_Well, I will have to see if that will be ok. Let me do a few phone calls and I will let you know."_

"_Who do you have to call?"_ Alice asked but was cut off by a stern look from both her mother and her father. So I did not answer and walked out but not before I said my goodbyes and all to Esme, Alice and Carlisle.

Later on in the day I ran into Carlisle and told him that tomorrow would be fine. He was actually excited, wow, why would they care that much?


	3. Chapter 3

**EPOV**

I saw Alice at the hospital right before I was heading to leave. She was excited but I couldn't figure out why. She was listing every animal in alphabetical order in her head.

"_Alice, what's going on?"_

"_Alice hello what are you doing?"_

"_What Alice, whetever , I will see you at the house."_

Back at the house everybody was guarding themselves from me. I kept trying to talk to them but they were very careful not to say anything accept one word answers. It had to be something, something that they were protecting from me. The only thing that I could think of was Bella. But what would they be thinking of her for.

"_Alice, you were at the hospital today right?'_

"_Uh Uh"_

"_Yeah, I was wondering if you saw Bella?"_

"_Uh"_

"_You know I was wondering if you spoke to her?"_

That was all it took and her entire conversation with MY Bella was in her thoughts. I was excited to get the chance to see her but mad because they spoke to her. Jealous that 's what I was.

**BPOV**

Did I really agree to go over there. What was I thinking? I have really got to be careful. The next day I stayed home for the first part of the day. I needed to make sure everything was prepared, that I was prepared. After everything was set I headed to work. I had about an hour before Alice would meet me. I decided to go change out of my work clothes, these scrubs do nothing for me. My usual jeans, plain- t(went with black) and sandals.

I was walking to the parking garage when I saw her.

"_Your not trying to ditch us are you?" _She spoke to me in her all too familiar squeaky voice.

"_No, I was just going to wait for you in the front of the building."_

"_Ok, so which one is your car Bella?"_

"_Uh it's over here"_

"_Bella that's no car and that's not safe either. What are you thinking driving that?"_

So she did not approve of my motorcycle. I love it is fast!!! But luckily I did not need her approval.

"_Well, it's good for me Alice. Are we going to have a debate over my ride or are we going to go?"_

It was a short distance from the hospital to their house. It was a two story home, beautiful but I wouldn't expect anything different. It was secluded and pushed back off from the road. It had a long drive way and as I approached the home I could feel six pairs of eyes on me. Please let this go over well.

" _I am so glad you came."_ I was immediately greeted by Esme, she sure can make a person feel welcomed.

"_Thank you for having me.'_

She led me inside and began showing me around. The house was just as amazing as the last one I saw of theirs. I was nervous and I am sure that they could tell by my accelerated heart beat. Jasper, Emmit, Carlisle all welcomed me and Rosalie was unusually friendly and came up to greet me too.

"_How are you ,Bella?"_

"_Great thank you, I …."_

"_Bella, hey how are you? It is great to have you here." _Why is he speaking to me. If I don't want to speak to him at work why would he think I want to speak to him here? Don't make a scene just say hello and walk away. But not too rudely cause after all this is his house.

"_Great thanks, your family is always so nice to me and it was becoming impossible to decline her invitation." _That was actually ok. I didn't start screaming and slapping him. Good keep it on track.

**EPOV**

She actually spoke to me. Wow ok maybe it won't be as bad as I thought. She spoke but immediately headed over to where Alice was so I took the hint and the mental screaming that everybody was doing in the room to leave her alone and not push it. Walking over to Alice she had an unuasual smirk on her face.. Ok so I waited for what seemed like eternity, well it was actually 20 minutes and 35.. 36 seconds. I had to talk to her again.

"_Bella, uh you uh want to…….uh I was wondering if I could speak to you for a few minutes?"_ I feel like a complete moron. I can't even complete a sentence.

"_Idiot!" _Rosalie thought with a smirk on her face.

"_Edward, you better be careful!"_ Alice thought, I know she thinks for the best but I had to have my chance to speak to her again.

"_Not now Edward."_ Will Bella ever give me a chance, so I snapped back

"_Well then when!" _Oh no that was not good and I heard it from every member in my family

"_Not today, ok. I am here to visits with your family_."

"_Well then when. Not at work , not here, then when. Maybe after work but that seems impossible cause you vanish before I can find you and you are leaving in less than a few weeks. Why not now!" _Oh no did I just say that to her. I admitted that I have been semi stalking her and she looks like she is about to explode on me. My family's eyes ;I have never been so wide.

Bella turned slowly around to face the family that was behind her and told them that she was sorry for the short visits but she had to get back. Oh no I was not going to let her get away from me that easily. So probably not a good idea but I grabbed her by the wrist and started to lead her out the house so we could talk. Just the pure excitement of touching her again raised my adrenaline and I was even more eager to have her lone to speak to her.

"_Edward you let me go right now!!!"_

"_NO, we are going to talk!"_

"_I said let me go!"_

I made it out of the dining room and was about to step into the hall when all of a sudden I was thrown against the wall in front of me about twenty feet away. I hit hard. I was immediately on my guard, confused because there was nobody here except my family and Bella. I looked at my family and their eyes were in a state of shock their mouths were almost touching the ground. Bella was walking hastily out the door. No! No? there is no way she did that. She is only human and there is no way she could ever have enough strength do anything like what just happened to me. She was human. She smelt like human and she felt like human too. I tried to read the thoughts of my family but what I saw was not realistic. I went after her again ,grapping her wrist again to get her to stop. Bad idea again. I saw her this time, she grabbed me by the shirt and lodged me across the yard. My head slammed into the ground. What in the hell is going on.

"_Bella? What s going on, how did you………. what?"_

"_I am done talking Edward"_

"_Don't leave, not yet you have to explain."_ I ran as fast as I could over to her and prevented her from getting……………. on her bike, what is she driving that for?

"_I told you Edward , I AM DONE!!!"_

"_No please"_

I stood in between her and her **bike.** She walked away from me. She was headed off into the woods and turned and stopped. She looked at me. She was confused. She put her hands on her head, it was obvious she was trying to figure out what she wanted to do. I left her alone for a few seconds.

"_It can't be, it's only a myth and there is other variables that are usually involved?"_Carlisle mental thought.

"_What, what are you talking about? What happens and how"_ Carlisle did not answer me.

"_Bella please can I come over to where you are?" _I was lost in my thoughts and in the thoughts of my family.

"_You leave me alone, I told you I don't want to talk to you. Haven't you done enough? I am warning you if you take one more step towards me.."_

What have I done, and is she really threatening me? I carefully took a step in hopes that she would not be alarmed. OH Shit! From nowhere her body slammed into mine. We slid for about a hundred feet. She had a steady hold on me as she hovered on top of me. She put her right hand over my face with a lot of force and her left hand around my neck and spoke to me .

"_You understand this Edward and understand it well, you leave me alone. You have caused enough pain in my life and you have the audacity to what was it… CATCH UP!!! I am going to get off of you and then I never want to see your face again, you won't do this to me again. There is too much at stake for your trivial insecurities to ruin my life again!"_

I didn't know what to say. All I wanted was her and her alone. Those words sliced me to pieces. All the pain I had felt in the last few years didn't compare the slightest to how that felt. My world was spinning. I was still stronger then her, but she would put up a good fight. I didn't want to fight with her I would never want to hurt her. I grabbed her hands and maneuvered her off of me. With her hands still in my hands I stood up. She was fightening constantly against me but was unable to get her hands free.

"_Listen to me Bella, I was wrong to just leave you like that and I am sorry. If you won't give me a chance to talk to you then I will just make you listen. I love you Bella, I always have. I thought that by leaving you would have a safer future and happier one. One where you could grow up and live a normal life with a family. I never left because I didn't want you. I lied and I didn't expect you to believe so quickly. Please, please, please believe me."_

She kept putting up a fight. Why was she not listening to me? I had her by her hands but all of a sudden she kicked me in the stomach and it hurled me and her with my hands tightly around her wrist about fifty feet. I landed on my back with her on top of me. I quickly stood up. She tried to pull me back down…..kicking and waling her body. She was really mad, but I had a good hold on her. Why is she being so difficult and how is she doing this in the first place. How did she get so strong and so fast? I needed to get her in the house, maybe my family would help me contain her. My family stood on the porch watching with utter amazement. I don't think that at that moment they were able to move. Their thoughts were the same as mine. Carlisle kept repeating that it wasn't possible and something about a myth. I could not concentrate on them, I was trying to contain Bella. She was not getting up so I decided I would pull her by her wrists into the house. She arched her back as I drug her. I hated the thought of me dragging her but I was out of options. She tried to get out of my hold but wasn't haven any luck.

"_Stop Edward you're hurting me. Stop please I am not a vampire I am only human. You're hurting me!"_ When she spoke I immediately let her go I couldn't bear the thought of me hurting her. As soon as I did she bolted in the opposite direction. Damn it! She took off fast, really fast but I knew I could catch up to her. I was still faster than her. When I grabbed her I fell to the ground with her in my arms. We rolled and rolled several times until we stopped. I kept my hold on her. I had her tightly against my chest her back facing me and I had her around her arms. I held her that way and began to walk back to the house. Luckily Emmit met me half way and grabbed her feet. The ones that were relentlessly kicking me. Once Emmit had his hold on her she gave up. We carried her back into the house and set her down in one of the chairs in the dining room.


	4. Chapter 4

Emmit placed his hands over her shoulders and the rest of the family block off different areas of exists. She knew that there was nowhere to go. She was extremely mad and her eyes stared at me. She let out a loud growl followed by a scream. Carlisle walked over to her. He was confused and his mind was racing with thoughts. She would not look at him, obvious that he wanted to talk to her. He spoke to me in his mind, _"There is only one thing that I can think of………….it's just a myth or a legend but it is said that when a vampire finds his mate in a human and then the human faces a severe tragedy, which in your case would be you leaving her, that human will begin to developed characteristic of a vampire, it's just a myth and it is usually involves other variables ….but it must be true. You have to be her…….."_

"_NO!!!!" _Bella screamed

What, wait she did not hear him. Did she? No she didn't she is probably just screaming again. I faced her and her stare was on Carlisle now.

"_Don't you dare say that Carlisle. That is the last thing that Edward is to me. His actions are the last of someone who would ever be my …………..what was the word you said…….. MATE. I don't mate!!"_

Ok she heard, this is way too much for me. Can she hear me. I have to think of something that would make her respond…………._Bella I am unable to control my body whenever you are around and the day you made love to me was the best day of my life_….uh not good enough………._Bella the day we made love I actually came twice, the first time was when I touched your breast………_ ok that was embarrassing, but it was all new to me………..no response obviously she couldn't hear my thoughts or she would be rolling on the floor. Shhhhhhhhh!

Carlisle knelt down in front of her and placed his hands on her knees.

"_Bella we mean you no harm. I have never seen a human process so much strength or speed. You were not this way the last time we saw you and I was hoping you could feel us in on what took place while we were gone?" _Bella hesitated for a couple of seconds and then spoke.

"_Things started to change a few days after you all left. I did not wake up one day with these abilities. They gradually came on. I didn't know what to think. I was confused, there was no body to talk to or explain to me what was happening to me. He didn't bite me so I wasn't able to figure out why."_ As Bella spoke about being confused and alone I felt my body hit the floor. My knees gave out and I was kneeling on the ground with my head in my hands. I not only left her but I left her to this. She needed me and I left her.

"_Ok Bella, what all happened to you. I see your strength increased and your speed but what else?"_

"_Just some other things."_

"_Like what, please I am only curious and I want to offer any help that I can. I know this must have been very confusing for you, very scary."_ I wish I could be the one to help my Bella but instead Carlisle was the one. I only hope she accepts his help.

"_Um…..well I can read the thoughts of others but not all the time. I hear pieces of it mostly and sometimes I hear pretty clear but not regularly."_

"_Anything else?"_

"_Well my skin is much stronger, a knife would not be able to cut it."_

"_Anything else Bella?'_ I have a feeling where he is going with this.

"_I don't want to talk about it anymore, I am done. Please let me go."_

Emmitt released his grip on her and she stood up. She hesitated towards which direction to go. She gathered her things. Esme walked over to her and placed her hands on her arms to comfort her.

"_Bella darling, please do not feel ashamed here. We are family and we always have been. We just want to help you."_

"_Bella?"_ Carlisle continued

"_What do you eat?"_

I lifted my head to this one I had to see this, this was unimaginable. No way could my sweet Bella………no. She looked at me and I could see the tears forming in her eyes. She was sad or maybe ashamed.

"_I uhhh…well…..I eat as you do. The urge kept coming and coming ,stronger and stronger till I could not resist it anymore. It was unbearable by the end of the first week when I started to change. I was repulsed, confused, I had no idea what the hell I was doing or how I would do it in the first place .I can still eat the foods that I used to eat but there not as desirable and they don't quite do the job. I won't live forever, I know this because in the past two years I can tell that I have aged. I am not quite as strong and fast and I don't have the same heightened senses; can't see in the dark, can't pick up low sounds, and my sense of smell is not as good. It made it very difficult and hard. Not only hard because I don't have the same QUALITIES as you do but it made it specially hard because I was dumped all alone with no body to help me or show me or be there for me while my world changed upside down". _Now she was yelling and looking directly at me. "_Do you know what it was like the first week being forced to go to school and trying not to kill everyone of your friends, or the entire school body. Or being stuck in the house with my father and try not to kill him while he babbled on about his day at work? I could only bear being there for a week before I about went insane, so I had to leave. Just left in the middle of the night. I staged my room to look like there was a struggle in there from an intruder. I jumped out the window and just ran. And then you EDWARD you want to talk to me, explain to me how sorry you are and that you love me. You did this to me and then you walk away leaving me to deal with it all alone. You don't know the half of it and you never will! "_

I sunk back into the floor. My family watched with horror on their face but there was nothing that they could do. Bella was right and she had every reason to hate me. I hated myself. Alice looked the worst she wanted to talk to Bella, help her in some way. From her thoughts I saw that she was going to attempt to talk to her.

"_Bella, I uh I know you want to leave and I understand but maybe you and I could go on a little walk?"_

"_Sure Alice, but I really need to be getting back."_

"_Ok it will be a short walk."_

**BPOV**

My head was spinning I kept walking as Alice walked beside me. I could pick up that she was going to offer her advice, but it wasn't necessary. I have pretty much handled things on my own for the last couple years and any how I can't let them get that close, there are too many things that they can't know.

"_Bella, I am so sorry for what you went through. I can't imagine going through it alone. It must have been very difficult."_

"_I am ok Alice, please don't worry about me . Soon I will be out of this town and I can start fresh again."_

"_No, you can't leave."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because you are family, I know you are very upset with my brother and I understand and completely agree but please give it some time."_

"_Time, I don't have endless amounts of time like you do. I will get old and I will die. I am not completely like you. "_

"_But you could be, if you wanted."_

"_Well your brother has given me enough grief for one life time and I can't endure any more of it."_

"_Do you still love him?"_

"_Um…yes, how could I not. I just can't chance going through that again. "_


	5. Chapter 5

**EPOV**

This walk was taking forever. I had to know what they talked about. They finally arrived back at the house. I was trying to read Alice's thoughts but she kept humming in her head. This is so annoying and to make it better Bella smiled at her knowing what she was doing. She said her goodbyes when her phone started to ring.

"_Hello"_

"_Oh………no…is he ok …..…go you have to go……. "_

She was walking quickly out of the house by now. I felt rage inside me when she asked if _he_ was ok. Who is HE and what is He to her?

"_Ok just……….go as fast as you can …………….you can't stay there, they will see………..please be careful……tell him I love him and I will be there very quickly_."

She hung up the phone and grabbed her stuff from inside and took off running. I heard her spoke to herself "I should have never left him to come here tonight". And just like that she was gone.

**BPOV**

I was just about to leave when I heard my phone ring.

"_Hello" _I knew it was Jacob but I didn't want to say his name in front of them. I was trying to get out of the house quickly and buried the phone to my ear; hopefully they wouldn't be able to hear.

"_Bella, the house …..Your house it's on fire. Yes he's fine. The fire trucks will be here any minuet. I can't stay here with him here, where should I meet you uh……….. The deer stand……where you go about two miles behind your house. Ok…………………. I will and yes he knows."_

I just kept running. Could this be happening. This had to be the worst thing possible. He is too vulnerable, he can't hide his character not yet he is just a baby. I kept him hidden from the world, I have to till he gets older and then I can explain things to him. He is my world and I will do everything in my power to prevent anything from separating us. Jacob has been a blessing. I did not mean to tell him I was pregnant but he discovered it one day. He and his father Billy came over to my dad's house where I was living at the time. It was a little more than two week after Edward left. I was already starting to change. I wasn't completely lost beyond control, but the desires were increasing daily. When I found out that I was pregnant, about a week after he left, I understood why these changes were happening. Apparently his venom is not only in his mouth. I knew I was pregnant instantly. I had the normal pregnancy symptoms but they came on fast….real fast. I felt my baby move the day that Jacob and Billy came over. I was upstairs in my room trying to control my new desires. If I was fully concentrated on them then I could manage myself around others. It was a task and I was hardly at school by this time. I would go in the mornings and then end up ditching an hour later or so because it would get so hard sitting around all these people who had exactly what I wanted right underneath their thin skin. It was unbearable. Jacob discovered my pregnancy that day. He came upstairs to where I was and I was so lost in my thoughts of just seeing this baby move inside of me that I was unaware that he was standing in my door way with a dumb found shock look on his face. He knew, he saw it move. Our friendship ran from there. I eventually told him about everything and he had a few stories that were bizarre himself. I knew I could not stay there with a baby a half vampire baby and my urges were increasing by the day. I had to leave so one night I just left, I was about a month pregnant but looked more like 5 or six months. To say the least it was hard to hide but I managed and I hadn't been to school for about two weeks. I had little money, nowhere to go and I had no idea how I was going to do this. I was living off my new strong desires. I didn't need money for food but I needed a place live at after I still slept and the pregnancy was making me tired. I was about a hundred miles from home and searching for a place to stay. One that was remote and hopefully one that was surrounded by woods. Luck turned out for me and I found a rundown cottage that was for rent from an old women. I wouldn't call it a cottage because it was barely the size of my old kitchen and living room put together in my dad's home, but ask barely anything for it. I felt bad; felt like I was stealing from her but she insisted. It worked out great, it backed up to a lake and completely secluded by woods. Perfect! About two months later ,when I was days from delivering my baby I heard a knock on my door and it was none other than Jacob. He had been looking for me (apparently the whole Forks population were too)and ever since then he has stayed by my side. Since he has special talents of his own he has managed to help me out by commuting back and forth from one town to the other. Assisting me when I need him. He has been a very special friend to me and I do not think I would have been able to survive without him. I believe the moment our lives changed and especially our friendship deepened, but not romantically, was the day my son was born. I could not go to a hospital they would notice that something was up when they wouldn't be able to insert an i.v. and along with many other things that are different.

I finally reached the spot where Jacob was. I ran up to him and grabbed my baby from his arms. I was sobbing uncontrollably. What was I going to do? I can't go back with Jacob, the reservation was not safe for my baby or for me. I would have to find a place. But where? I can't stay out in the woods , I can't see in the dark and it would not be safe for my baby.

"_What are you going to do? What can I do? " _ Jacob was always thought about me and my baby. He was always looking after us.

"_Jacob, you go back and I will figure this out for me."_

"_No I won't let you stay out here by yourself!"_

"_I will be fine, I am going to get a place over at the motel for a couple nights. I will call you when I get a room."_

"_Fine, but you call me at once."_

He walked me to the hotel and took off when I went through the doors. There was a line, always. Finally it was my turn.

"_No there has to be an extra room!"_

"_I am sorry miss, but there was a fire and we got a lot of people here from it. We are the only hotel around here and the next one is about 60 miles east. We don't have a room, I am sorry."_

My son lay quietly against me in the baby harness I had on. I was scared that any moment he was going to squirm and the blanket that covered him was going to come off. He looked like a normal 19 month old but he didn't act like one. Ok…I stood there for a few moments thinking about what I was going to do. About that time a women saw that I had baby and stupidly took off the blanket. When my son saw her he leaped out of the harness , flipped twice in the air at too quick of a speed that was obviously nonhuman and landed gracefully on the floor. I was impressed he usually has a hard time on the landing. But this was no time or no place for a proud mother moment. He was on all fours and made a squeaky hiss and bared his teeth at the lady and was about to attack till I swooped him up and bolted out the door. More scared then I have ever felt, now people saw. They must know something is different with him. They may come and find me and take my baby. Oh no, no they can't. Think , think , think. There was only one place I could go, but I didn't want to. What would they think? How will they react. What will he think, he will probably hate me for keeping this from him. But he left it's not my fault. I ran as fast as I could scared that someone was going to find me. Fear took over and my only concern was for his safety. I saw the house and I was about running down the drive way when I stopped. I froze. What am I going to say? I knew he probably heard me by now even though I was still pretty far from the house. No human could.

"_Edward, I have nowhere to go…..my house burnt down and………there's no room at the hotel and…they are going to find me if I don't…….."_ I couldn't finish, I was babbling he was probably laughing thinking I deserve it for how I acted today and now here I am begging for his help. Pathetic.

**EPOV**

I hadn't moved from my spot . I was too scared to move. I wanted her back so bad that I would do anything to have her again. I thought I heard someone coming near our house, but I didn't care I could only think about her. And then I heard her. She needed help and who was going to find her? She must be in trouble otherwise she would never come here. I stood up by this time my entire family was by my side. We stared at her through the window. I walked to the door and opened it. I could see her, she was pretty far away. As I started to run outside. She spoke again.

"_Don't………………….. Just stay there ok, I……..uh……..there is something I have to tell you. And you may get mad and I understand if you hate me for not telling you. Please just don't hurt him."_

Hurt him, who is she talking about, there was nobody out there accept for her. Wait I hear another heart beat but it was fast . Where is this person , I did not see anybody and I searched pretty hard. And why would I be mad at her, I am the one that hurt her. What could she possibly tell me that would surprise me.


	6. Chapter 6

**EPOV**

I hollered back at her. "_Ok Bella, just come inside and we can talk."_

"_Don't approach me, let me come to you."_

"_Ok,……….. You are going to be fine, there is nothing you could do or say to make me hurt you or hate you." _

She slowly walked towards us, I soon realized that the second heart beat was coming from around her chest. She was covered by a big blanket so I had no idea what it was. It had to be a baby, that thought made me furious. Jealousy raged through me again, but I didn't show it. I had to stand strong for my Bella. Before she walked onto the step she asked us to move back. We did, our eyes staring at the mystery she was about to unravel. She sat down on one of the patio chairs and took off the blanket very slowly . It was a baby, well I knew that but now I saw it. The baby's hair was golden brown with hints of red and a little wavy. I was unable to see its face yet. She had it in some kind of strap that was wrapped around her, weird. The baby looked up at her and she replied by smiling and kissing it on its head. Nobody made a sound. She began to unhook the straps and the baby started to move its head around to see us.

"_This is my baby"_ That's all she said and continued to get the baby out. It only took the look on her face to tell that she was completely afraid at this moment. I hated to see her like this. Then she looked at me and stared she wanted to say something but hesitated a few times then she lifted her eyes from off the ground and stared at me once more and spoke.

"_This is your baby."_

Wait what, what did she say. She didn't say that,......... no she couldn't have. I stood there staring at her. Trying to see if this was my imagination, but I wasn't coming out of it. My mother and sisters began to smile and make weird noises. I remained still. There is no way that he could be mine. It wasn't possible.

**BPOV**

He just stood there. He must hate me. I can only imagine what he is possibly thinking. The first thing is probably doubt. Vampires can't have babies, but apparently they can figure that I have one and the only person that I have been with was Edward. My only hopes is that he won't do anything to hurt our baby, he won't, right? I was completely afraid for the safety of my baby for a few brief moments. I knew they were good and I had no reason to fear them in that sort of way but my child being so vulnerable it was hard not to be. I kept looking at their faces when I unwrapped the blanket to make sure I didn't see any black eyes. I quickly realized from their body language, noises and their minds that I had no need to fear . The others seemed to be happy but what matters was if he was. Soon after I told him my baby leaped out of the harness, did another perfect jump and landed perfectly on the patio floor. Happy moment again, but still not the right time. He let out another growl and held it for about two seconds and then lost his balance and fell completely on his face. I picked him up and he latched on to my back. That sight made everybody laugh hopefully with excitement. The only one standing there was Edward, did he hate me this bad? I have to be ready for it if he is, after all I have kept his child away from him, but not entirely on purpose……….after all he left me. How was I suppose to find him?

"_This is wrong I am sorry I intruded on you. We will leave don't worry about us we will be fine. I don't…….."_

"_Don't go please" _Edward finally spoke but was still lost in some kind of trance. He had his hand around my arm.

'_What's his name?"_

"_Masen" _ I wasn't sure what he thought about that. I was scared at this moment. While staring at Edward, Carlisle was rambling in his head about the rarity of this. He was confused. He was questioning the possibility of this baby really being Edwards.

"_Carlisle there is no other possible explanation, Edward is the only man I have ever been with and ……….." _ Now I was blushing, did I just admit that to the entire family, what an idiot. By now Masen was jumpy he wanted down and he wanted to explore this new place and figure out who these people were. He has only met two other people in his entire life, Jacob and me ,well three the lady in the hotel. He jumped out of my arms before I could contain him. I was not sure how Edward was doing with this so I was planning on leaving. Masen stumbled along the patio and leaped up onto Edward. I froze for a millisecond and then reached my arms out to grab him. Masen sudden leap onto Edward awoke him from his gaze. Edward stepped back from my hands and looked at Masen. He was smiling at him and Masen smiled back. Was this really happening. Masen crawled up his shoulders and perched himself right onto Edward. He started playing in his hair and then leaned down over his face and began to play fight with Edward. Now I was the one in shock. Masen liked him for some reason and Edward seemed to like him back.

"_Can this really be, Carlisle?_" I was taken aback by Edwards's question. Did he really not believe me. Obviously he is not completely human. What kind of women did he think I was? Does he think I'm lying?

"_Well…..there just myths and I suppose since Bella is not as us and her body can change. I have never seen it happen but I have heard of it but it is very rare for two reasons. The first is because the human usually does not survive after her……encounter, and if she does then she usually does not survive the birth."_

Uhhhh! I really did not want to get into all the technicalities of the birth but I am sure by the way everybody was staring at me that I was sure going have to explain.

"_Bella, why didn't tell me? Why would you risk yourself, you could have died. I am so sorry for not being there. Please, are you ok."_

"_Explain to me Edward how was I suppose to find you? You made it quite clear to me that day and you made it virtually impossible to find you………if I even did try. And the reason why I continued my pregnancy, if I even had a choice, was because of that boy in your arms. He is my child and I would rather die myself then ever harm him. I had no choice, it was not like I was going to go into the hospital. How would I have explained that one? Edward you think only of yourself, I was starting to think that maybe you have matured a little bit. I guess I was wrong. I am leaving, so hand me my son and we will be on our way."_

"_I did not mean it like that, I am sorry if it came out wrong. I am just worried for you Bella. Darling please don't leave. I love you too much and if you do leave I will only follow you. I am not losing you twice, please give me a chance."_

"_No you're right, I shouldn't have snapped. Look lets go inside."_ I gave in because after all I did just shock the hell out of him, and man would have been shocked to hear such news. _ Hey by the way you got a kid, sorry for the surprise._

We went inside and Masen made his rounds towards every member in the family. He was so happy and it was such a happy moment for me that it brought tears to my eyes. My baby that I have had to keep hidden from the world was finally able to be known, to play, to roam, to see people. The family started to play with him and laughed when he did those cute little baby quirks. They loved him already and I could tell by their thoughts that they wanted to always be around him. This was too good to be true. Carlisle was eager to talk to me about the pregnancy. I told him that I would explain about it tomorrow and he agreed. I made my way over to Edward and led him outside to talk to him more privately, well as privately as I could with the others around.


	7. Chapter 7

**BPOV**

"_I don't expect anything, Edward. I understand if you would wish to stay away. This is a lot to take in and I don't expect you to jump right in and play "dad"…….. " _

He grabbed me tightly into his arms and held me, it felt so good for him to hold me again.

"_Bella, my world fell apart when I left that day. When I saw you at the hospital I was given hope but I was too scared to think about any hope that I rightly didn't deserve. You came here today and I thought just maybe if you would listen to me that you would understand and maybe love me again but after our conversation I knew you never wanted to be near me again. And now, you and Masen this is the best moment in my entire life. I don't think anything will ever be able to top this. I don't expect you to love me but now I get to at least be around you. And that makes me the happiest man in the world. I love you so much and that has never changed."_

"_Don't Edward, please don't say things because you think I need or want to hear them. Don't say things that you don't mean. If not for me then for him."_

"_I do mean it, more than anything. I won't say trust me because I know you don't but please let me prove myself to you again."_

"_Alright………….. Let's go back inside."_

We walked back inside, it was getting late and I knew Masen was getting hungry and sleepier by the minuet. Unfortunately it was dark by now and it is difficult for me to hunt in the dark because of my lack of night vision. Hopefully with all of the excitement he will pass out and I will take him at first light, but I was wrong. He started tugging on me and began to make the same sound that he always makes when he is hungry.

"_At first light, I promise."_

"_No, now ……..please."_ I hate to deny him, but it is almost next to impossible to hunt at dark.

"_Darling, you know I can't. I will wait up till light and I will take you right then, ok?"_

"_What 's wrong, Bella_?"Why does he have to ask me that. I really don't want to get into this with Edward. It 's embarrassing enough.

"_Nothing is wrong Edward, it's just some complications. It will be fine." _

"_Bella if you wouldn't mind then I will take him. After all you can't let __**our**__ child go to bed hungry. Why don't you come with me? Let me help you."_

"_I don't know?"_ I want to, but a lot of mixed emotions swirling around in my head.

"_Bella, please."_

"_No Edward………uh……….I would feel like idiot……….I am used to doing these kinds of things alone. It would be very odd to do that around anybody, it's just um…….."_

"_You're not a lone anymore"_

Wow that felt so good to hear. But still no I can't do that. I was stuck in a decision. Masen wanted to eat and needed too, but I was unsure about him going without me. I didn't think Edward would ever hurt him, but just the idea of him going without me………I was jealous. Masen decided things for himself and grabbed Edward by the hand and pulled at him.

"_I am hungry, please …"_ Masen is speaking to him, he wants Edward to go with him. Absolutely not!

"_Bella it's ok, how about this, I won't look. I will just follow you and Masen and then when you get ready I will hang back a little. I know this maybe difficult but I want you to stick around and its going to get difficult for you to constantly avoid and hide from it."_

"_I don't know, it's a little strange. It's always been something I did by myself and with Masen."_

"_Ok, so now let me join you .I can help you with Masen. After all I have a bit more experience and I would really enjoy showing him how to do it. You don't have to do this a lone anymore."_

"_Uh"_

"_Would you like me to take him then?"_

"_No, absolutely not. I mean he can't do it on his own and you wouldn't know what to do."_

"_Ok so tell me what I need to do."_ I heard a bit of sarcasm but I ignored it.

"_Uh, come on Edward you don't have to do this."_

"_I would feel honored to show my child how to hunt."_

After a few minutes I gave in.

"_Ok, let him ride on your back and after you spot the animal you make the first bite but have him involved in the kill. He needs to learn where to bite and also he needs to work on holding it down. Also don't leave him alone with the animal and don't have him stand in front of the hooves or feet of the animal. Oh…….he gets distracted so help keep him concentrated on the task at hand. And ….."_

"_Bella, I think I got it. We will be fine. Are you sure you don't want to join us?"_

"_No, I am sure."_

"_Ok, then were off"_

"_Oh Edward?"_

"_Yes"_

"_Please, please be careful with him."_

He walked back over to where I was standing and cradled me into his chest. He smelt so good . He leaned down and kiss the top of my head.

"_Bella, I would never let anything happen to him or you."_

I've got to stop feeling like this. Things between us were not back to normal. I can't just give in.

He walked out the back door with Masen chasing right behind him. I will never forget this sight. It is what I hoped for, what I dreamt about and it is finally coming true.

As soon as the two loves of my life left I turned to face the family. I was in for a surprise because they bombarded me with a million questions.

They tried asked about the pregnancy which I told them that it was obviously not easiest thing but I was not in the mood to explain. I did tell them about Jacob, they weren't too happy about that because of his special gift. But they understood and were grateful for his friendship. They asked about Masen and his characteristics; vampire vs human. I told them that from what I can see he is a lot like how I am now. He sleeps, like me. He is stronger and faster than a human. His skin is very strong, and his diet is like mine. I don't prefer human food but I can tolerate it. He is still human and has human moments such as crying and the bathroom. His hearing and vision and other senses I have no idea because I have no way of testing them. Carlisle was already getting things ready to test those characteristics. They were really happy which made me feel so welcomed. By this time I remembered that I was suppose to call Jacob. Oh crap, he is going to be mad. I excused myself from them and made a phone call to Jacob. I didn't tell him about the exact place where I was at, fearing he would come here. He's just really worried.

About an hour or so later Edward came back with Masen fast asleep in his arms. I took Masen from him and asked where it would be best for him to sleep at. Edward motioned me up towards his room and there he set out about five thick blankets on the floor one over the other and laid pillows around the corners of the blankets. I then proceeded in laying him down. He is pretty much a regular baby but he is mentally a year or so older. I usually put a diaper on him at night but I didn't have one , oh please don't ruin the blankets.

"_I would like to shower and get ready for bed myself."_

"_Use my shower. There are towels in there and I will set out some clean clothes for you. I will wash these for you tonight and we can go and get you some new ones tomorrow. What's mine is yours, please Bella don't feel uncomfortable here. You may have my room and I promise I will not bother you."_

"_Ok, thank you."_

I took a shower and like he said he laid out some clothes for me to sleep in tonight. I was so exhausted and when I hit the sheets on the bed I fell fast asleep.

**EPOV**

I know I told her that I would leave her alone but I couldn't help it. About an hour or so after she fell asleep I went in there and watched her. She was so beautiful. She laid on her back with one hand over her head and the other was gently laid on her stomach. She didn't move at all, she usually moves and talks in her sleep but tonight she was extremely still that it worried me a bit. But her steady heart beat and breathing reassured me. Maybe I should stay here just to make sure? And my son, I have a son…… a child. What did I do to deserve this. I met him tonight and I instantly fell in love with him. I was so proud and she even named him after me. My love for him is unknown and I am so happy. I stayed by her side all night, just watching her. Right before dawn broke, I quietly left the room. About an hour later I heard Masen beginning to wake up so I made my way to the room to get him. After all it is my job, so she can't be too mad. She was still asleep when I entered the room. Masen was just opening his eyes when he saw me. For a minute I was afraid he was going to be startled but he wasn't. Another proud moment. I carried him downstairs to my awaiting family.


	8. Chapter 8

**EPOV**

"_Oh Masen, Please let me hold him."_ Rosalie was immediately taken back by him. She always wanted a child, so did Esme.

"_Not, just yet. Rose this is only my second day with him."_

"_He is so adorable. Edward he has so much of you in him." _Alice's words about jump started my heart.

By now my entire family besides my Bella were in the kitchen oohing and ahhing over Masen. Everyone of them tried to take him from me but I was not going to have that. They would have their chance but right now was mine. After a while Masen wanted down. He crawled out of my arms and went to investigate the house. While roaming he had an audience, everyone of us followed him. It was amazing watching him explore. And he loved to jump. I was pretty impressed! We made our way outside and his fun really began. He was running all over the place and exploring every tree branch, which made me nervous so I ( along with everybody else) stayed pretty close by. We were outside for about an hour when I saw her peering out the back window of _our _room. I excused myself from the family and headed up to _our _room. I was almost dying to see her again. I know I spend hours watching her sleep but I wanted to hear her talk to me.

**BPOV**

I stood there watching them play. I was surprised how unnoticed I went. It is pretty difficult to supprise vampires, but apparently Masen had their complete attention. When Edward caught me my heart beat sped up. I really wish things could go back to how they were. All I want his him but I have to be careful not only for me but for Masen. He left his family and headed towards the house. I knew where he was going, or I hope I knew. I was right because a second later I heard a knock at my door.

"_Come in."_

"_I was………just seeing……..if you needed anything?"_

"_Well actually I do need to head into town. The fire took all of our stuff. If you woudn't mind allowing me to borrow your vehicle so Masen and I can run some errands?"_

"_I told you already that everything is yours already. You can take whatever you want." _ I was unsure if that had a double meaning. Of course I started to blush………this is embarrassing.

"_That's not necessary, thank you."_

"_Bella let me take you to town."_

"_I told you already that I won't allow myself to be any trouble, besides I have a lot of shopping to do and it would probably just bore you."_

Alice ran into the room with the word shopping mentioned." _Shopping…………oh Bella PLEASE!!! You can't deny me this you know how much I love this and while your apparel has improved it can always get better."_

What was that suppose to mean. What's wrong with how I dress.

"_Oh and it would be so much fun to dress Masen. They have such cute baby clothes. Please Bella!"_

"_Alright, it would be a change to have another's opinion."_

With that she left the room happy as good be.

"_Bella, you have thirty minutes before Masen and I leave without you."_

Edward turned to me and told me that I better believe her. She would love the chance to buy clothes for me without my hesitation on her selection.

"_Why would you let her go and not me?"_

"_Why would you want to go?"_

" _If you allowed me to I would spend every second of the day with you."_

By now he was inches away from me and staring into my eyes. I could feel his sweet cold breath on my face and I so desperately wanted him to kiss me. How did he get so close? This was a little too close. I can't let him do this to me again. The thought of him walking away again keeps me from kissing him at this moment. I hesitantly removed my eyes from his gaze and took a step back. The proximity of our faces was too close for comfort.

"_I need to get ready. If you could leave so I can get ready?"_

"_I am sorry Bella for that, I washed your clothes and they are on the night stand."  
_

"_Thank you."_

After I changed I headed down stairs. Alice and Masen were ready to go. The windows to the car were heavily tented (almost too much). Which was good because it wasn't like I needed to put Masen in a car seat and how would I explain that. Masen has never ridden in a car. I feel more and more that I have deprived my child. Edward followed me to the car. He opened the door for me and then placed Masen in the back and buckled his seat belt. He then leaned down to me and kissed the top of my head. He had tried to insist on paying for the items by giving me his card but I refused. As we drove off he stood there staring at us. He almost had a look on his face that he was scared we were leaving for good.

"_So Bella, what is going on with you and my brother, I hate it that I can't see well with you. But I guess that I have never been half'n half." _She smirked with the last statement.

"_Uh nothing except that we share a boy."_

"_Oh come on Bella, you know he is still madly in love with you. There is no reason why he woudn't be. You already told me that you still love him, why are you still holding back. All you are doing is wasting time I know you guys will end up together."_

"_I thought you couldn't see with me?"_

"_Well it does not take special abilities to see that Bella."_

"_Whatever."_ I don't want to hear this. My life is completely different from his. He made it clear not only by his words but from his actions that he did not want me forever. Why be in a relationship with a vampire who does not change and me who ends up getting old, wrinkly and grey. That would be awful and gross!

"_Just wasting time!!" _Now she is starting to make me mad.

"_Well unfortunately for me my time can be wasted."_

"_What does that suppose to mean?"_

"_Never mind Alice, let's just get to the store."_

I actually had a good time picking out clothes for him and me. I also picked out a single bed which will be delivered this afternoon to the house. Everything was going great until it came to check out. While handing my money to the lady Alice stepped in and handed a card ( obviously Edwards) to her. I was angry and tried to stop her but she insisted. I was beginning to make a scene when she pointed out all the people who would witness my temper tantrum and mentioned that Masen would probably not like to his mother angry. I agreed to it finally but Edward will hear about this when I get home. The ride home was quite she knew I was mad and thought it wise not to talk to me. Masen fell asleep on the way home. When we arrived, none other than Edward was standing out there waiting. I got out of the car, refused his embrace and opened the door to get the asleep Masen out of the back seat. I knew he understood that I was mad. First it would take an idiot to miss it and second I heard Alice silently mentioning it to him. I gave her a stern glance. She started to smirk, she got the message. I don't want him to pay for my way. I know that most of the stuff was for Masen but I am not ready for him to do those things for him. I walked up stairs, headed to put Masen down. After I placed him in the bed I quietly left the room to meet Edward waiting on me.

"_Why are you mad at me for this?"_

"_I told you not to interfere and you did! I don't want your money. You tricked me."_

"_I wasn't trying to trick you and while it was a tad dishonest, I was only trying to do something for you because you won't let me do anything. Please let me Bella, it would mean so much to me." _ Ahhhhh I hate it when he does this to me. He was basically crooning to me. His voice ; soft sweet and felt like velvet. I was leaning up against the wall, trying not to look at him because I knew I would lose my battle if that happened. He kept creeping his face closer and close . I feel as though I could faint at this moment; his smell, his eyes, his mouth creeping towards me. His mouth was now inches from my own. He swept my face with the back of his hand and the other was leaning against the wall above my shoulder. I could feel his body beginning to lean against mine. I have to get out of here. I need some air.

"_Edward….."_ I barely got that one word out.

"_Yes"_ He was also having a hard time with words.

"_I……need………I want to take a walk…"_

"_May I join you?"_

"_Uhhh……..yeah…………….. Sure."_ Anything to get out of this situation.

**EPOV**

We walked outside. A few moments ago I almost kissed her. I could feel her body next to mine and it felt so good. Her heartbeat kept accelerating with every inch that I crept closer and closer to her. And her breathing, uhhh her sweet breath engulfed my face and was become rapid as I was leaning in to kiss her. Then she spoke. I was entirely intoxicated by her body. I would have stayed there forever if she let me but I wanted more but it was obvious that she was trying to remove herself from the situation. We were walking outside. Masen was still asleep in the bedroom and the others were waiting on him to wake up. I knew it would be ok to spend some alone time with her and I hoped that she wanted that too. We walked towards the edge of the woods. I made a leap of faith and took her hand. She hesitantly accepted it, which made me ecstatic. Right as we made the clearing she sprinted off with me still holding her hand. We ran for miles further and further into the woods. When she stopped we were miles away from anybody, which I was not complaining I wanted to be a lone with her.

"_Edward I needed a moment to think, it's difficult to have your own mind when you can hear the constant thoughts of everybody around you."_

"_Yeah I have those same problems."_ That was a bonus with Bella, I could enjoy our silence when it was just her and me. I grabbed her into my arms and held her close to me. I wanted nothing more than to hold her forever. We fit so perfect together.

"_Edward, I can't be that girl for you anymore. I am sorry." _ What, why would she say that?

"_Why would you say such things? You know you are the only one for me. There is no other that could ever complete me like you do. And you are that person. Yes things have changed, for one our child and two you are ………….well much stronger. Which, can be put to great use ."_ Ok I did not mean for that last comment to come out like that but I can't help it after all I am still every much of a man. I won't have to hold back my strength if she would only give me the chance. But now she doesn't seem to want me anymore. I have heard Alice's thoughts about their conversation, but she blocks me out as soon as she starts thinking about it. I hope it's not too late.

"_Were not the same Edward……….."_

"_No Bella, please give me a chance."_ I was slowly removing the space that was between us. All I wanted was to be with her and any space that separated us was my personal hell. I leaned close to her. Our faces were again inches apart, but still too far away. She began to close her eyes finally allowing me to come closer. Her breath was intoxicating. Every part of her was inviting me in so I leaned in slowly to her and our mouths were barely touching. She let out a small moan and that's all I could take.. I placed my mouth onto hers and kissed her softly at first then I lost all control; kissing her harder and harder. She kissed me with such passion. She wrapped her arms around me and grabbed my hair. I couldn't handle it I needed her more than anything. I grabbed her by her waist and wrapped her legs around me. I wanted more but I knew not to push her tolerance. After all she finally allowed me to kiss her.

**BPOV**

Our kiss was incredible. I wanted more and more. It was hard to stop but I knew that I needed to or we would have ended up on the floor of the forest. I wanted nothing more than to have him, all of him. But it wasn't right. I can't be selfish. I broke away from our kiss.

"_Edward…….please………I can't we have to stop."_

"_Why, please Bella allow me to be with you. I love you more than anything and I want to be with you. Why aren't you understanding this?"_

"_Not now Edward please….lets go back." _

When we got back to the house Masen was up playing with the entire family. He really seemed to love them. Carlisle approached us and told us some information that he has learned about other children who were conceived the same way that Masen was. We all went inside. Edward sat next to me and Masen made his way onto his lap.

"_I did some research and I found that there are two other children as Masen is. There characteristics and qualities are the same. They're characteristics are almost identical to a full vampire but are not quite as strong. His senses such as his sight and hearing are much stronger then a human but still a little shy of a vampire."_

So my son will be stronger than me. I was glad to hear that. But I was curious about is mortality.

"_Carlisle……how will he age and is he mortal?"_

"_The other two children both grew to the age of their father and then stopped and they are both immortal."_

"_Oh….ok great."_

I was happy but extremely sad at the same time. It wasn't fair that Edward gets to have him for eternity but not me. I will age and then die while Edward gets to have him. They will probably become best friends and in a hundred years from now they will probably forget about me and it will be as if I never existed.

"_Bella, what's wrong love?" _ I guess he noticed my expression.

"_Nothing, I uh want ……….I need to be a lone for a moment. Would you mind handling Masen for a bit?"_

"_Yeah sure , but what's wrong and where are you going? This was supposed to be good news."_

"_Just moment or two ."_

I kissed Masen on the forehead and like that I bolted out the doors. I knew that Edward would follow me. I was about a mile or two away from the house when I stopped and turned to him.

"_I told you that I wanted a moment!"_

"_But what's wrong Bella, why are you upset?"_

"_You will never understand, now leave. And if you don't then this will be the last day that you ever see me or Masen again. It was a mistake to kiss you, I told you that we were different. You took everything from me and now you want to take my son too. Why Edward ?"_

"_I don't want to take anything from you please Bella tell me what's wrong."_

"_I am done with this conversation."_

I turned from him but he grabbed me by the wrist. I once would have never been able to get out of his hold but things were different now. I threw him into the near cedar and he broke the tree right in half.

"_What is wrong with you Edward, you can't control me anymore. Don't follow me!"_

**EPOV**

Like that she was gone. It felt like the roles had reversed, I was now standing in the woods all alone while the love of my life took off. She told me that she didn't want me just as I did. I walked slowly back to the house. I thought that things were changing but what went wrong? She was ok till Carlisle spoke to us. Was she mad about the abilities that Masen had? Why would she be , she had to know that he would after all I am a vampire. I made my way to the living room. Everybody was playing with my son but when I entered I heard all the thoughts that were swirling around in their head. Alice was concerned but blocking something from me. I had to talk to her about this. Esme was sad to see her son like this again. She was such a sweet mother. Carlisle was worried about me and wondering where Bella went. Emmit and Jasper were worried about me but Rose was only concerned about Masen and was planning on taking care of him till Bella returned. I needed to be a lone but then Masen looked up at me and I knew that something was wrong with his mother so I picked him and comforted him but it felt like he was the one comforting. I took him into the piano room and sat him down on the bench I began to play to him my favorite melody "Bella's Lullaby". He enjoyed and I could tell that he wanted to learn. So I started to place his fingers on the keys and showed him how. I enjoyed this moment but I really wish that Bella was here too.


	9. Chapter 9

**I don't own any of these characters. Sorry I forgot to add that to the previous chapters.**

**BPOV**

I've been gone for two days now. Just running as far as I could, I was so angry or really delouse that He gets to spend eternity with him and I get to die. My life time was not long enough with Masen or Edward. Why did he not want me the same way? I was way into Canada by now. There was nothing but tundra around and plenty of wild life. I will just stay here for a few more days and then return I knew it was wrong to leave Masen but after all he will have eternity to forgive me. It just wasn't fare. I needed time to think. I ran back . I was going all over the place and ended up in Alaska. I was headed into a small little town and I noticed that the town was occupied by natives, a ton of them. I stopped and watched them. They were so unreal. It felt like I had gone back into time. Their lives were so simple and it fascinated me. I watch a family; a mother and two small children walk back to their little homemade home. The children were wrapped in skins and the mother had what I believed to be their dinner tied around her back. I watch her prepare the food while the children, a boy who appeared to be about 8 and a little girl who had to be no older than 4 play by the fire. A man approached them. My first thought was that this man was their father but the children didn't run up to him like I would figure they should and the mother had an expression on her face that was full of fear. She called out to him.

"_I am sorry the dinner is almost ready……. I prepared your drink its over there."_

"_You are the worst wife, why did I have to pick you. You are good for nothing you can't even prepare a meal on time."_

"_I am sorry……."_

Slap

He smacked her across the face and she was lying on the snow. Her brow was bleeding and he just walked over her to grab his drink. I could smell him now, his pours dripped of alcohol. I listened has hard as I could to their thoughts( which is difficult, I am not as good as Ed…Him)

_No good piece of shit this woman is._ The man thought as he drank his drink. The children's thoughts were fear and the boys was concern for his mother. The boy wanted to help and defend her but his memory of being beaten before because he defended her was keeping him from opening his mouth. The mother was praying that her son would ignore his father. The mother stood up, gave a comforting eye to her children and returned to finish their supper. I wanted to interfere but I knew that would be dangerous for my identity and the identity of others. I left, but I couldn't get the image out of my mind of him hurting her like that. I retreated into the forest and sat their thinking about my life and the direction I needed to go. It was twilight by now. I was beginning to head home when I smelt him. It was not hard to miss, his skin reeked of alcohol. I watched him. Did he see me? He was looking straight at me. So I figured it was an act of faith and I was to deliver him his punishment. I was only going to scare him. Maybe it would work. Then he spoke.

"_Who are you, I have never seen you before. And why are you not wearing snow wear?"_

I walked slowly to him." I am just passing by, no need to ask so many questions."_ Unlike a true vampire I don't give off that sense of fear._

"_Well why don't you come over here and I can warm you up a bit."_

I walked closer to him, the more I walked the madder I got. I had to remain in control I have never killed a human. I have done very well on my hunting techniques.

"_Well, you seem like a strong man to do the job but…"_ I was now inches from him. He was excited believing that this was his lucky day.

"_You are naughty little girl aren't you, you must have traveled far to…" _He made the wrong move, he touched my waist. Without thinking I slammed him into the tree nearby, maybe a little too hard because it made a crack into it.

"_Wow aren't you a feisty little thing."_

"_You have no idea."_

I grabbed his neck and tilted it upward. His pulsating artery was begging for me.

"_I don't know if you are my type, you seem to like to be the one in control and I you see like to be the one in control."_

"_Baby you can have whatever you want."_

"_You seem not to have those same thoughts towards your wife."_

_Wait how does she know my wife. _The man thought as I was officiated on that damn pulsing artery. This was getting difficult.

"_I know a lot about you. You are just a pathetic man who loves to beat their wife and children. You know they would be so much better off without you. Don't you think?"_ by now I had an extremely strong hold on him and I could tell by his thoughts that he was becoming scared. He was thinking._ Who is she, what is she, she is very strong, no way a human girl could do that. I can't even remove her strength off of me._

"_Yes, yes you are not going anywhere for now. And for what I am ……well………….." _I drug my mouth over to that intoxicating pulse and without thinking I bit down harder and harder. His blood was so warm. Animals had nothing on this. It was so good and I couldn't stop. I tried but it was impossible. He screamed like the little bitch that he was. Nobody could hear we were too far from any one. I kept biting, sucking every bit of that intoxicating drug that he held under his skin. It was so warm and I felt every drip pour down my throat. When I was done. I threw him down. I looked at my hands they were stained with his blood. What have I done? How could I ? There is no way I can forgive myself for this. I was miserable, confused , I hated myself for what I just did. I stayed around for a few days to watch the family that I just stole their father from. When he hadn't come home they seemed relieved. I waited another week till they found the body. When the mother realized that he was never coming home she cried of excitement and relief. The mother and her two children moved into what it looked like a relative's home. I felt better but still bad for what I did I promised myself long ago I would never do that. I've been gone for over two weeks, I needed to get back. I feel awful for leaving Masen for so long. I ran home as fast as I could. The closer I got the more and more I missed him well really them, Edward and Masen. I kept running till I reached the clearing. I stopped, I froze. I hadn't even thought about what I was going to say to them how would I explain to them? Would they know what I have done? Guilt rushed over me.


	10. Chapter 10

**I don't own any of these characters**

**EPOV**

I haven't stopped looking out the window, waiting for her. It has been over two weeks. Where is she? Did she leave forever, no she wouldn't leave Masen. He was becoming anxious to see her. I felt bad for him, he was missing her too. I left my room only to spend time with him, he needed me and I wasn't sure how long she would be gone. Her phone rang constantly, it was Jacob. I hated that he was calling her. I finaly answered it and told him everything. After I caught him up he was furious with me, but I didn't have the energy to argue. He should hate me I have once again some how pushed her away. What did I do? The Denalie clan have been here for about a week. The loved Masen. Tayna tried every move to be alone with me but she's had a hard time with my rejection. I have never been faintly attracted to her, why doesn't she understand that. I think that fact that I am the only one to ever denie her makes her try even harder.

Carlisle took care of Bella's job. She was supposed to go back to work but he handled her reasons and said she would be back in a month. With his reasoning skill or more perswassion skills they couldn't argue. If it took longer then he would handle it then. I wouldn't care if she never went back .So there I stood at the window fantasizing her returing and then I saw her. I shook my head a couple of times because I have seen mirages of her so many times that I haven't been able to trust my mind. After I realized it was her I leaped out of my wondow to her. I was so happy to see her. I couldn't wait a second longer while walking or running down the stairs out the door across the lawn to her.

"_Bella oh Bella I have missed you so much"_ I was holding her now and to my surprise she let me.

"_Why, why would you? I don't deserve to be missed. "_

"_How could I not miss you, you are the other part of me. My life is nothing with out you, please don't leave me again."_ She remained in my arms, I was holding her and my life could beginning again.

"_I will leave you again, its inebidable. You will one day be without me. Why waist your time? You have Masen now …."_

"_Oh Bella he has missed you so much too, but I cant say as much as I have."_

"_Well I am sure in a hundred years from now you two will both have forgotten about me . All I am is hinder in your exsistence."_

"_Don't say that!"_ I was angry now, how could she say that. I will never forget her.

"_Please let me be Edward, you don't need to keep pretending. I wont take him from you and soon I will be out of your life forever."_

"_Why would you want to leave?"_

"_I never said I want to leave."_

"_So..what is it. You know I will never leave you again."_

"_No, you won't leave. I am sure of that by now. But I will."_

"_Do you not think I want you to be with me forever?"_

"_Idon't think, I know."_

"_That's why you left, you were upset that I would be with Masen and you would die one day_.. the word die made me cringe _… I want you to stay with me but I hate to curse you like that. The first day I realized that I loved you I wanted you forever but I love you too much to damn you to eternity. That's why I left, I couldn't stop the feeling to have you more and more. And now things are different, you have become some like me and we have a child, but Bella I cant do that to you. You are not a monster, I love you too much. I do want you forever but………"_

"_But what, you say one thing but you do another. I am no different from you already. My life has done a 360, I am not the same Bella but I know I still want you and I love…"_

"_You love me, you do ? You still do. Oh Bella I have waited for you to say that. Its been agony thinking that you don't anymore. Ohh I love you so much… and I still love the way you blush, just like you are doing now."_

She was mine, I could have her forever, but I still felt I couldn't do that to her. Was it selfish of me not to give her that. After all our son would. I kissed her , while kissing her she tasted different. What was that. No it couldn't be? Wait, that is the only thing that taste that way. It was very faint, but there. Human.

"_Bella, where were you? What did you do?"_

"_I ………went up North. I just needed to think?"_

"_Bella, what else. Tell me ."_

"_Nothing Edward."_ I could tell she was hinding something from me. She was never good lying.

"_Bella, I understand if you don't want to tell me but I promise what ever you do say ,if you do at all, it will only remain between you and me."_

"_Ok, thank you Edward. But now I want to go see our boy."_

"_Ok, lets go."_

**BPOV**

He caught me already. Guilt rushed in again. He must hate me now, proabaly thinks I am disgusting creature. When we arrived inside I saw my boy. He rushed into my arms and I stood there holding him for the longest time. I was surprised by the reaction that I got. I was sure they would be mad at me for leaving so long, but they weren't. I guess time means nothing when you have eternity to live, guess not the same for me. I then quickly noticed the other set of eyes on me. I have never met them. but I soon learned from Carlisle introduction that they were the Denalie famile from Alaske; Eleazar, Carman, Kate and Tanya. They were all very nice but I couldn't help but notice a certain vibe that I picked up from Tayna. I listened, hard, on her thoughts.

_Pethetic girl if she only knew that He is mine! _Both Edward and I shot her a look and then I looked at Edward. I was puzzeled. Why would she say he is hers? My mind has been in such a fragile stage the last couple of weeks that I excused myself and Masen to our room. I noticed that Masen bed was not in the room. It surley must have been delivered by now. I walked to the adjacent room and saw what I was looking for, his bed. He had an entire room all to him self. It was decorated in sports paraphenalia. It was lovely. I admired everything in the room and felt regret for not being here when they decorated it and for his first night sleeping in here. His closet was slammed full of clothes, I am sure I have Alice to thank for that. Edward met me in the room. He didn't say anything and I didn't want to ask him about his relationship with Tayna at the moment especially since the others would hear me. I placed Masen in his room and he began to play with his toys , his new toys.

"_Bella, do you like the room. I was scared to let them go all out because I know that you would like to be here for that. But I wouldn't let them finish without you so I saved the last thing for you."_

"_Oh, what ?"_

"_Well it may be silly but around the edges of the room are small lights and we haven't pluggend them in yet, Masen been itching to turn them on but I told him must wait for his mother."_

He is so sweet, I flew into is arms, completely forgetting aboutTayna's mental comments.

"_Oh Edward thank you so much you have no Idea how much that means to me, how can I repay you for this?"_

"_Well….how about you just let me hold you for awhile?'_

"_Sounds good."_

We held each other , but not long enough. I wanted to plug in the lights. When I did it was so beautiful. The sun had just set and the lights were beautiful in the room. I looked at him with such appreciation. If only I could keep him forever. I was beginning to get tired and I knew I needed to shower. I excused myself and headed into my room. I began my shower and was reassured that Masen was ok when I heard Alice and Rose playing with him. Alice shouted to me that she would take him hunting tonight. And I gave her the ok. I took the longest shower. It felt so good. I missed it almost. After I showered and got dressed I headed out of the bathroom and found Edward waiting for me on the bed.

"_Masen is not back yet, I was wondering if we could sit and talk for a bit. I have missed you so much."_

I climbed onto the bed and covered myself into the covers. Covers were my safty because he was really hard to resist. Especially on the bed.

"_Edward, tell me what you think about Masen?"_

"_What do you mean?"  
_

"_Well, I want to know what you thought when I came to you that night with him? Were you angry at me for keeping him, were you happy, sad…………what? How do you feel about him?"_

"_Bella, I love him. I may have missed special moments of his exsistence but he is my son. The momemetn that you told me that he was mine it was like I knew him from birth. He is my son and I love him with all I have. But Bella I love you more then life it self and nobody could convience me other wise, especially you."_

"_What does that mean, especially me?"_

"_Bella the moment that I saw you at the hospital you have been trying to convience me that we were a mistake and that I did'nt love you. I know I told you that but we have been over this. You know why I told you that and it was awful to lie to and I am sorry. I wont lose you again. I will go to hell and back for you if you ask me. I am nothing with out you. Please let me love you again._

He was now holding me in his arms. My face was pressed up against his face. His body fit mine so perfectly. All I want is this forever.

"_Why would you want to love me when you know that I will grow old and die?"_

"_It does not matter what age you are you are my match in every way and I wont do this to you. I want to, I always have but I feel like it would be selfish of me."_

"_Were back!!!!"_ Alice called from downstairs. I took this moment to leave and retreated downstairs to a half asleep boy. I took him into my arms, he needed a bath so I took him into the bathroom and gave him a quick sponge bath and dressed him into his pajamas. I was tucking him into the bed when Edward came in. He knelled down beside me and finished up the night time rituals of bed story and kiss' and hugs. After my last kiss to him I stood up grabbed Edwards hand and walked out. I closed the door behind me leaving a little crack of light between the door and the hall. I don't know why I grabbed his hand but it felt right. I was truly tired by now. All I wanted was to go to sleep. Unlike a true vampire I needed sleep. The past couple of weeks have been very tiring and Edward's bed was calling me.

"_Edward, I am pretty tired if you don't mind, I would like to go to bed."_

"_May I stay with you?"_

"_I don't think the first night stopped you any ways."_ I knew he came into my room after I slept. It would be unlikie him not to. That statement caused him to crook his mouth in that perfet smile that I love so much.

"_Well…….you caught me. I couldn't help it. But I promised I let you be. I just sat there. Please let me hold you while you sleep, I wont ask for anything else."_

"_I would like that."_

And with that he followed me into the room. I laid down, pulled the covers over me and curled up into his chest. I miss this………really bad. He was stroking my hair and humming my favorite song very softly into my ear.I leaned in towards him, he wrapped his arm around me. My hands began to travel around his waist to the back of his back. I wanted to hold him and never let go. I was brushing my thumb along his shirt where my hand laid. It wasn't good enough I want to feel my skin against his. I slowly pulled the hehm of his shirt up and replaced my hand back on his bare skin. I resumed brushing my thumb against his skin, slowly adding more fingers to caress his body. I retrieved my hand from around his back and drug it to his chest. I slowely traced his chest; outlining his muscles with my index finger. He was still stroking my hair, but I could hear his breath becoming labored.. As I made my fingers down to his abnomed muscles I felt him shiver and let out a soft grown. He started brushing his mouth against my hair working it towards my face. He was so beautiful, every thing about him was perfect. I wanted every part of him. My hands continued to caress his muscles, working very slowely down to the top of his waist line, I paused. I pulled my face up to look at his. He brushed his hand across my cheek bone.

"_I love you so much Bella." _Before I could reply he kissed me softly on my lips. His coolness matched my warmth. Only our lips were meeting each other; softly caressing and brushing the outlines of our lips. I slowely parted my lips and placed his top lip in between mine; sucking slightly and barely tracing my tongue on it. He kept his mouth still but I could hear low groans escape the back of his throat. I continue caressing the front of his waist line; toying with the top of his thin pajama pants. Back and forth I stroked my hands against his skin while sucking on his lip; gradually intensifying the pressure of my mouth. Without thinking of the reaction I allowed my index finger to slide under the fabric while brushing across his skin. My eyes shot open at the same moment that he flipped on top of me. He was fully aroused and my one little index finger found that out. His mouth was no longer still but kissing passionantly and begging my mouth to kiss harder. I didn't mean for this to go this far. I want it but not now. I pulled my hand away from his body and turned my face from his. I knew was frusterate and confused by my reaction. I was too, but I had my reasons. He led out a big sigh.

"_I am sorry Edward."_ That's all I could say.

"_Bella darling please tell me whats wrong."_

"_I am not ready to commit m self to you. Making love to you would be wrong if I wasn't ready. I was fully committed to you the day we made love over two years ago, but things are different now."_ I know I hurt him by saying that but it was true. I have been so wrapped up in his and Mason's mortality against my immortality and then there was this Tanya women.

"_I would never ask you to do anything that you didn't want. I hope that one day you will trust me enough. You are my love; first love, my only love forever." _

"_I love you too Edward." _He kissed my forehead and moved off of me and laid himself next to me on the bed.

"_Edward, I was wondering….."_ He picked up my hand and began kissing my knuckles

"_Yes?"_

"_This may be a little forward and completely none of my business and I understand if you don't want to tell me but uhhh……."_ Some how I I was emabarressed asking him if he had a relationship with Tanya. I was hoping that he hadn't. thinking of him with someone else would be impossible to handle.

"_What is it love, you know that there is nothing that you couldn't ask me."_ He was interested and looked a little concerned. He propped himself on his elbow and was waiting for me to finish.

"_Well ok, I was wondering if you,……..well during our time apart uh if you dated or had a relationship with anybody?_

"_No…"_

"_Edward its ok if you did…….well I will understand. I know I was your first everything as you were mine and maybe you missed that certain enjoyment?"_

"_Bella, I can't beelive that you would ask me this! Why would you think that. I told you before…………a hundred times that you are the only one for me. I have never held, caressed, kissed and defetinatly not made love to another women before I met you or after. Never, it would be almost blaspmeouse to do such things"_ Wow, ok . So I guess he didn't. Then what was Tanya thinking? I was about to ask but then he asked me the same question.

"_Bella,…….what about you?"_

What a crazy question. Those two years were pretty eventful. I was not in the exact mind frame to date anybody. I should have replied the same sintaments as he did but instead I responded sarcastically.

"_Oh you know it. It made it a little difficult; trying not to kill everybody, going mentally insane and then my belly, that's what really realed them in. Uhhh oh yeah I prowled the streets every night. "_ I was laughing at him but he didn't think it was funny. I guess he didn't get the joke.

"_No Edward. How could I even if it wasn't for my little….transformation and our son? The only man I have ever been intimate, physical or emotionally is you. " _He hugged me tightly, luckly I was stronger or that embrace would have really hurt. He gave me one last kiss before I reminded him that I sleep.

"_Oh, I am sorry love. I won't keep you talking anymore. I love you."_

Even with all the adrenaline that was rushing through my body a little while ago, I was tired. I curled into his arms. I guess Tanya has a little crush on him or something but who wouldn't. He was mine. With that I drifted off to sleep in his arms.

**EPOV**

She was so beautiful while she slept. I laid there watching her, how I wish she would trust me. I love her so much and I would give anything for her to believe it. As happy as I was at this moment, I was still upset with Tayna's thoughts. I only hope that Bella didn't catch that. After several hours of watching her sleep I decided to go downstairs to confront Tayna. I wanted her to be warned to stay away from my Bella and I was going to convince Carlisle to have the Denalie family leave. As I was walking downstairs I heard the mind of Tayna. She knew I was leaving the room and thought this was the perfect time to talk to me priatatly. I grabbed her by the arm and threw her out side.

"_I didn't know you liked it rough Edward, if that's want you want then you should have told me."_

"_Shut up, when will you get it in your head that I want no part of you. I never have and I never will."_

"_Ahhhhhhh still hung up on that half breed?"_

I lost it I lunged at her. I had her pinned to the grown.

**BPOV**

I woke to knotice that he had left. I thought he wanted to stay with me all night. I was suddenly distracted by loud noises from out side. I got up from the bed and walked over to the window. What I saw was Edward pinning down this Tayna on the ground. The next thing I saw took my breath away. I flew to my sons room, grabbed him and headed out the door.

**Tayna's POV**

Why is he so hung up on this mutt. What does she have that I don't. she's not even pretty. The next thing I realized was Edward pinnign me down on the ground. He was mad , really mad. Maybe I took things too far. And then I saw her staring out the wondow. I took this opertunity. If I cant have him neirther should she. I grabbed Edward and kissed him with as much passion as he let me. He swung me off of him. I knew that was coming, but the look on her face was worth every minuet of it.


End file.
